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Laws for the process engineer

Classe PC

Mathématiques

Informatique

Édition scientifique

Divers

Archive PCSI

Les "lois" énoncées ci-après sont non traduites pour préserver toute la saveur de la formulation originale.

THYME'SS LAW

Everything goes wrong at once.

GOVERNMENT'S LAW

There is an exception to all laws.

HARVARD LAW

Under the most carefully controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity and other variables, the system will perform as it damn well pleases.

ALBRECHT'S LAW

Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well-being.

BOWIE'S THEOREM

If an experiment works you must be using the wrong equipment.

CARLSON'S CONSOLATION

Nothing is ever a compete failure ; it can always serve as a bad example.

CORRESPONDENCE COROLLARY

An experiment may be considered a success if no more than half you data must be discarded to obtain correspondence with your theory.

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CROPP'S LAW

The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent at the office.

CLARKE'S THIRD LAW

Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

CUTLER WEBSTER'S LAW

There are two sides in every argument, unless a person is personally involved, in which case there is only one.

GUMPERSON'S LAW

The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

MENCKEN'S LAW

There is always an answer to every human problem --neat, plausible, and wrong.

RYAN'S LAW

Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

MURPHY'S LAWS :

  1. If anything can go wrong, it will.

  2. Nothing is as easy as it looks.

  3. Everything takes longer than you think it will.

JENKINSON'S LAW

It won't work.

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DOW'S LAW

In every hierarchical organization the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

ACTION'S LAW

Power tends to corrupt ; absolute power corrupts absolutely.

HUBBARD'S LAW

Don't take life too seriously ; you won'tt get out of it alive.

SATTINGLER'S LAW

It works better if you plug it in.

LAW OF THE PERVERSITY OF NATURE

You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

PUDDER'S LAW

Anything that begins well will end badly. (note : the converse of Pudder's law is not true.)

WILCOX'S LAW

A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

FINNAGLE'S LAWS

  1. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.

  2. No matter what results are expected someone is always willing to fake it.

  3. No matter what the results someone is always eager to misinterpret it.

  4. No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory.

ALLEN'S AXIOM

When all else fails, read the instructions.

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PETER'S PRINCIPLE

In every hierarchy, each employee tends to rise to the level of his incompetence.

PARKINSON'S LAW

Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

PARKINSON'S LAW, MODIFIED

The components you have will expand to fill the available space.

WEILER'S LAW

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do the job.

WOODWARD'S LAW

A theory is better than its explanation.

RUDIN'S LAW

In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternatives, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

UNNAMED LAW

If it happens, it must be possible.

MAY'S LAW

The quality of the correlation is inversely proportional to the density of control. (The fewer the data points, the smoother the curves.)

COHN'S LAW

The more time you spend on reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

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LAW OF CONTINUITY

Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

LAW OF THE TOO SOLID GOOF

In any collection of data, the figures that are obviously correct beyond all need of checking, contain the errors.

Corollary 1

No one you ask for help will see the error either.

Corollary 2

Any nagging intruder, who stops by with unsought advice will spot it immediately.

LARKINSON'S LAW

All laws are basically false.

WHITEHEAD'S LAW

The obvious answer is always overlooked.


Adapted from the USC Engineer, (University of Southern California), April 1978


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